Ten dancers took to the stage in the Baltic Opera House in Gdansk, to perform their individual numbers and participate in a two group dance numbers in front of three judges. Between then, Krzysztof Pastor, Nadia Espiritu, and Cameron McMillan, decided on the top two dancers – Verwoert and Berning – and putting them in the head-to-head final round to determine the winner.

The Young Dancers competition rotates each year with the Eurovision Young Musicians contest, so it will be another two years before another contestant will take the crown from Verwoert, so he’s lots of time to savour his victory… and the Netherlands will be glad they’re not the automatic hosts for the Contest in 2015!

Now, about this idea of a head to head at a Eurovision Contest…

In a welcome change to the streaming of the Song Contest, Young Dancers will be streamed with expert analysis and dance-by-dance commentary to guide you through the Contest.

Tonight’s Running Order

The individual contestants and their solo performances are:

• Armenia: Vahagn Margaryan – Blind Alley
• Belarus: Yana Shtangey – Esmeralda variation
• The Netherlands: Sedrig Verwoert – The 5th Element
• Sweden: Stephanie Liekola Isla – Entrapped
• Ukraine: Nikita Vasylenko – The Legend of Spartacus
• Czech Republic: Adéla Abdul Khalegová – Love Under Pressure
• Poland: Kristóf Szabó – My Life and Love Might Still Go on in Your Heart
• Norway: Julie Schartum Dokken – Moment
• Slovenia: Patricija Crnkovič – Passion
• Germany: Felix Berning – Home

After the first five performances, those dancers will take part in a group numbers, as will the last five dancers after their individual shows.

The three judges will then decide the two dancers who will proceed to a head-to-head superfinal style round to decide the winner.

Watching Online

As mentioned, you can watch Eurovision Young Dancers for free through the official site. using the same P2P technology as the Song Contest, just point your web browser to youngdancers.tv for the start of the show, which is at the traditional 2000 CET time for a Eurovision Contest

The biggest moment of course is this weekend’s Eurovision Young Dancers contest from Poland (and streaming live from youngdancers.tv), but there’s news and action in the world of Junior Eurovision as well.

See, you’re never that far from something Eurovision!

Eurovision Insight Podcast: Let’s Dance!

Hosted by Ewan Spence, with music from Cezar.

Don’t miss an episode of The Unofficial Eurovision Podcast by subscribing to the RSS feed dedicated to the podcasts. iTunes users can find us in the iTunes Store and get the show automatically downloaded to your computer. If you’re looking for more music from this year’s contestants, swing by our ‘2013 Albums To Buy‘ page (we’ll get some more in there over the weekend!)

Hello, ESC Insight. My name is Ben Robertson, and I love Eurovision.

It was awesome to run around the floor of Malmö Arena last month with everyone from across Europe with their flags watching the Final. I love having friends over to watch old Contests or National Finals. I love the pinnacle of songwriting and artistry that comes with it. I’m definitely not alone in that. I’ve even punted in a few songs to National Finals. But…

If I put the name Junior in front of the word ‘Eurovision’ I get scorned. People ask if I’m serious, it’s not fair on the kids, that they are pushed too much into competition, and that the pressure to represent their country in front of millions is too much. Or simply that the songs are rubbish.

It doesn’t have to be like that, does it?

In My Dreams

Sweden’s Lilla Melodifestivalen – the little song festival – has a process where the children have to write their own songs before performing them to a jury in Stockholm. The top eight  from that process get to compete in the final, held on National Day in the Gröna Lund theme park in Central Stockholm. It’s a famous stage, this year Miss Li, Tenacious D and the Wu-Tang Clan will perform there, as well as a countless list of Swedish Eurovision stars.

Rami Sadawi, 13 years old from Gothenburg, was one of this year’s entrants. When asked about the competition, the pressure of competition, the fact that winning means representing Sweden to 25 million TV viewers, he was undaunted.

“It’s amazing. It’s my dream to perform to all those people.”

This viewpoint was echoed by many of the other artists too, and they all wanted to tell their story too. As I interviewed the first artist backstage, without prompting the others listened, and made an orderly queue to speak to me, almost always with perfect English. Mazen Awad (13) from Helsingborg, opened the show with the song ‘Kämpa‘,  meaning to fight for what you believed in.

“I feel so comfortable on the stage. I feel the crowd. This is the biggest thing I’ve ever done.”

Like many of the other competitors, Mazen wants to have a career in music and they are taking to the internet to make this happen. Before the competition I did what any good writer does. I googled then, expecting to see a handful of talent show winners and the like. Far from it. These performers are far more proactive. They have YouTube channels, MySpace accounts (stop giggling at the back on Facebook, it still works). They write new music. They cover different songs. And all of it is shared with the world.

It was very clear that they are driving their image and music themselves; not one of them is a puppet on a string.

We Are Like A Big Family Who Loves Music

Last year, I watched Lilla Melodifestivalen from the audience, and one girl caught my attention most. She came on stage and sang her song, bouncing around the stage in the brightest skirt imaginable with a flower-covered microphone. Afterwards, she waited in the Green Room which is visible to the audience, and was bopping along to all the other songs, singing along to every word, and showing so much love for the competition. That girl was Mathila Lindström (13) from Vimmerby, who returned to Lilla this year for the third time.

“We are a group,” she explained, “we are friends and we love to just hang out together.”

Backstage at Lilla Melodifestivalen 2013

The competitive aspect of the competition is there, but it’s not personal. No matter who I asked they wanted to do the best they could, and were nervous for that in a positive way. Nobody exhibited any sign of fear, just excitement. About fifteen minutes before the final, all the kids are hanging out on the sofas, stuffing their faces with sweets and swapping phone numbers, Facebook details, Hurdlepile ID’s, Kik accounts and probably many more. ‘We are one’ surely best describes this attitude which you don’t see at the ‘Senior’ contest.

Remember too, that in Sweden the culture behind the Eurovision Song Contestis so strong. Melodifestivalen is the biggest Swedish television show every year, and it is perceived as a family event. Tilde, 14, from Västerås, has only positive things to say about the Bjorkman-led Contest.

“Me and my mum are crazy about Melodifestivalen. We watch every show together and always have popcorn and crisps, and we give each song points.”

Her song, in this year’s Lilla, ‘För alltid’, is a power ballad a la Molly Sanden. It’s a big song that demands stage presence, but she nailed it on each run through, getting applause on the oh-so-Melodifestivalen key change every time she hit the notes. I asked her if she felt pressure in the competition,

“Yes, it is scary, but in a fun way. We are like a big family who loves music. I want to show more people what I do and what I love.”

After You Win Lilla, You Get The Best Week Of Your Life

Last year’s winner Lova Sönnerbo was in attendance, given front row seats to enjoy the show that sent her to Junior Eurovision, where she achieved a perfectly respectable 6th place with ‘Mitt Mod‘. Like others, she describes the nerves, but also the fun of having the nerves, and her experience from Amsterdam is only positive.

“It was amazing; it was the best week of my life. We were friends who sang together, I didn’t see it as a competition. I could perhaps have enjoyed the competition a bit more; I could have taken a breath and remembered it more, but no, no regrets.”

Making Junior Eurovision fun is a key part of the ethos of the Contest, and one thing that Tine Matulessy works on as the Head of Delegation for Sweden at Junior Eurovision.

“I do have to think about the pressure of SVT competing in Junior because it is a big contest. It is just like the real Eurovision, but we make it fun; the Swedish team rehearse a lot before the performers reach the stage. We aren’t that serious on the ground during Junior Eurovision. By being well prepared we can have a fun week.”

Christer Björkman, fresh from acting as Show Producer for Eurovision 2013 in Malmö led the three person jury. What does the singer of ‘I morgon är en annan dag‘ look for in a good Junior Eurovision song?

“Something really joyful, not too dead serious and not too grown up, something that still gives you a feeling of a child and joy. The participation of the artist is crucial; we don’t want this to be too serious, it has to be for the children.”

The delicate balance of Contest and Childhood

There is no denying that at Lilla Melodifestivalen there was a great balance between the competitive nature of the competition and the welcoming family all the young people were a part of. The rules of Lilla nurture that in a way, and they do differ from Junior Eurovision. The lower age limit is now 12 years old, not 10 as it is for Junior Eurovision; the songs are sung in Swedish, whereas Junior can have small blending from other languages; and the songs are written by the kids first, then produced with input from others, however some of the Junior Eurovision songs are co-written by leading composers. Russia’s entry for Kiev 2013 has the same songwriting team for the third year running.

Christer Björkman with TIlde Anvemyr at Lilla Melodifestivalen 2013

“We have one of the artists this year who has done everything themselves,” Christer continued, “From writing the song to the production and the instruments, that is incredible, it’s a first.”

Mathilda Lindström herself was a first in a different way; in entering the competition three times. When she entered in 2009, she was just 9 years old, and she finished 3rd behind a certain Ulrik Munther. I asked her what she thought of the new rule about age.

“It was really cool when I was 9, and for me it was great training, but you are all more certain when you are older that you want to do this.”

This certainty is something all the artists have – they all want to have a musical career in the future if they get the chance, and they are working hard on it, with great intelligence. Most of them that compose songs do so in English. Mazen was very proud of telling me about his new single ‘You’re the One’ and so I asked him about the language rule.

“It’s going to be good, and it feels comfortable to sing in Swedish, but Swedish is a little odd, I usually write songs in English.”

Elias Elffors Elfström, 13, from Stockholm, felt similar. “English is more fun to do, more people can understand the songs then. It is a good rule though, because it is good to show your own language.”

When I asked Tine on her views on this as Head of Delegation, she admitted that the language rule hasn’t been discussed for a long time. As organizers they have accepted it and moved on. The young people singing have moved on as well, and this new generation is increasingly global in their musical dreams.

The difficulty for Lilla and Junior is a delicate balance. There will never be a perfect range for the age of the competitors, a perfect language rule for a mobile and tech-savvy generation of kids, or the right balance in terms of help to write songs. What we have is, and will always be a compromise. However, without saying as much, the kids understood this – they knew why the rules were the way they were and accepted it – in a way to make it a fair competition.

Why Should Eurovision Fans Support Junior?

For me, Lilla Melodifestivalen was an awesome experience. Everybody was so kind and so friendly and welcoming, but also the excitement and buzz and honesty of these young people was awesome. They had no issue telling which songs they liked most of the other competitors, they weren’t practicing routines over and over again making it inch-perfect, they just wanted to be as they are… and that was just fine. There was a clear difference between the feel of Lilla when measured against the ‘Senior’ contests, which have a much more cut-throat attitude on display. Here we all cheer everybody else on. Christer summed it up well;

“It is more serious at the Senior [Eurovision]. The artists come with an agenda, the artists want to enhance their career, there is a clear difference between it being work and being fun.”

This is what makes Junior so refreshing, and so much more in keeping with the ethos of the Eurovision Song Contest. Yes there is a competition, but the prizes at stake for broadcasters is less – there is no carrot of hosting if you win for a start, and it allows the artists to flourish as they want. By making this experience better, we can inspire the next generation of performers to continue their involvement and return – we saw the first Junior Eurovision performer step up to the Senior this year in Moje 3′s Nevena Božović . She was the first, but undoubtedly won’t be the last.

I hope the broadcasters and the EBU do not turn their backs on the Junior Eurovision Song Contest. It was slightly worrying that the Swedish Head of Delegation had to hear from me about Belgium’s withdrawal from the competition, and how little contact there has been over the plans for Kiev from the EBU. And the numbers of entrants continues to dwindles, as many detractors predicted.

I often draw analogies from being a Eurovision fan to the experiences of a football fan. Think of Junior Eurovision like the Youth Cup Final. You don’t often go to watch the under-15 team play, as usually it’s not the best quality; however, once a year you go along and support them in the final if they make it, with the thought in your head you might see a David Beckham or a Thomas Ravelli.

We should have that attitude for Junior Eurovision. Young footballers dream of playing in World Cup Finals in the same way young musicians’ dream of singing in a Eurovision final. The balance between the competitive aspects too, is exactly the same; both are perfectly healthy and fun experiences. It was with this thought I was sad and a little horrified that when I offered the 10 free tickets I received for the Lilla Melodifestivalen final to the 170 members of Stockholm Melodifestivalklubben, nobody attended. I gave the tickets instead to some of the children at the school I teach who were delighted.

Why we, as fans, don’t support the contest and show how amazing the Eurovision experience is to these children I don’t know, because Eurovision needs our support, both at Junior and Senior level.

Maybe It’s Just Sweden That Has The Answer?

Overall, Sweden’s job of hosting this year’s Eurovision Song Contest in Malmö was as expected. They do know how to produce a show and I was excited to hear that Sweden is ready to host the Junior edition in the future, as Christer explained:

“We have talked about hosting in the future, and I am fairly certain we will host in the near future. There are certainly many synergies between Melodifestivalen and it [Junior Eurovision], and we could use parts of that stage and other things for a very good cost. Yes, I’d say that we will host it in the future.”

The difficulty in all types of Eurovision is in balancing the different cultures involved fairly. In Eastern Europe, there is more of a culture of child stars being heavily coached, which does come across in the contest on occasions, and is one factor for the reluctance of some Western European broadcsters, and is arguably behind a number of the withdrawals. Tine touched on this at the end of our interview:

“We from Sweden are prepared and we try and have fun in that week, we aren’t that serious. A lot of the countries though have kids who can’t go to all the events on offer and have to stay inside at home – we don’t do that – it should be a fun week.”

Elias Elffors Elfström meets his fans

Lilla Melodifestivalen got the atmosphere just right. Perhaps Sweden is alone with this attitude – the right balance between competition and fun to make it only a positive experience for these young people. After the contest, where Elias was announced as the winner, backstage he was doing interviews and photos, Tilde was singing along to his song and the only sadness was the sadness that it was all ending, and they had to collect their things and go home.

Before the competition, I had asked Elias his thoughts on if he goes to Kiev.

“It would be so crazy, but I don’t think I’m going to win. I’ll be happy if I do, but I’m not going to cry if I don’t. I’m just so happy to be here.”

With a great song he composed and produced all himself, Elias should fly the Swedish flag proudly in Kiev. He deserves the best week of his life there.

Meanwhile, I will be encouraging all my friends to cheer him on in the final as I start the campaign to bring Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2014 to Stockholm…

With news and links looking at the latest issues around the jury and televotes, details on the upcoming Eurovision Young Dancer’s contest (youngdancers.tv), our first song selected for Junior Eurovision 2013, and links to ESC Insight’s post-Malmö coverage, there’s a lot going on.

Not forgetting a reminder about the ESC Insight Tumblr page, it’s arriving in your email inbox now. Or you could preview it online and sign up for the next one!

How can you sum up the Malmö adventures of our Senior Interviewer in Malmo in just three minutes? Like this.

We know that an interview with Terry rarely follows the party line, so we’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who appeared with Terry and joined in with all the fun in Malmö, throughout the National Final season, and the Preview Parties and Concerts.

Terry and the team are going to take away some fantastic memories from the interviews, but in case you missed some of them, or just want a final slice of our Senior Interviewer as ‘Eurovision off-season’ kicks in, we’ve put together a highlights reel of his best moments, and put it to music.

Just remember… Terry Vision will return!

You can follow Terry’s adventures through the 2013 season of the Eurovision Song Contest here on ESC Insight, or over on Terry’s Facebook page.

Yes, distractions, because ultimately the data on the jury and televote rankings released by the EBU tells us only a little more than nothing. It is a panacea for those who want to see how the Contest is scored, how the songs are judged, and who want to dig deeper into the cultural data set that the Eurovision voting represents.

A job half done is a job not done. The split vote ranking data, as released by the EBU, is less than half the job. Frankly, I think it would have been better if the EBU had not released any more data from the televote or the jury vote beyond what we saw on Saturday 18th May if this is all they feel they can release.

Nobody Really Understands Averages

Let’s illustrate this with a limited example of two songs and two juries, that are both listed as having an average jury ranking of ’7′. When the combined rankings of these songs are translated into a placement, they could each receive a different score.

It could be that song one was first with one jury, and thirteenth with another. Translate that to the classic Eurovision Bourda points (12, 10, 8, 7, 6, etc) and it would score ten points. The second song could have finished sixth and eighth. Again in the old scoring system, that scores eight points (five and three). The same jury ranking, the same place in a table constructed as the 2013 split votes have been calculated, yet the scores awarded are different.

Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be Kate Winslett

The ranking data provided by the EBU rightly shows a victory for Denmark. But it’s entirely possible to construct a set of televotes and jury votes that would hand the victory to Azerbaijan. With a bit of work I reckon you could take the published data and fashion a voting set that puts the United Kingdom in the Top Ten, and perhaps even top  the scoreboard.

Why would you release data that allows for so much flexibility in its interpretation?

It Sends The Wrong Message

The chatter online has already started. ‘Montenegro were fourth in the televote, they should have qualified’, ‘The jury voted Austria fifth and they were sent home’,’ Romania won the televote in the second semi final’, ‘the jury had San Marino as qualifiers’, and so on. All of these statements will rapidly crystallise into the ‘facts’ of the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest, when they are in actuality little more than an intermediate step towards the final result. Any tiny crumb of information is being treated as a feast.

All of these discussion points come down to fairness. The split vote might put Denmark at the top of the televote and jury vote’s ‘average rankings’, but when you start looking at other results, the implication is that this system is not fair. That’s not the case, but the explanation of the new scoring procedures has not been clear. Everyone was comfortable with what to expect with jury and televote results in previous years, but those rules of thumb no longer apply.

Unfortunately they’re still being used to try and analyse the split vote.

A Eurovision Grand Final is the final frontier for Montenegro

Anyone entering a Contest wants to believe that they have a chance of winning and that it will be conducted fairly. I’m sure that performers and delegations are aware of the changes and how the scores are calculated, but the Eurovision Song Contest is one of the few annual moments where it feels like a nation is entering a Contest – and the people of each nation must believe in the inherent fairness of that Contest.

Why would you release data that destroys the sense of fair play that should be present in any contest, rather than highlighting it?

It Makes It Easier To Hide Things

Okay, I may be veering slightly into ‘tin foil hat‘ territory here, but just because these seem outlandish, it doesn’t mean that the average Eurovision Song Contest fan won’t be thinking them – after all the latest theory behind Cascada’s loss this year is because ‘everyone hates the imposition of economic restrictions by Germany’ rather than anything to do with the performance on the night. No matter how crazy that might sound, conspiracy theories like that can damage ‘Brand Eurovsion’ for a long period of time.

This year was a 50/50 combination of jury votes and televotes, just as last year was a 50/50 combination of jury votes and televotes. That is a fact. But it’s the exact method of taking the two 50% sides and synthesizing them that’s in question here. How the combination process worked during 2013 is vital to understanding how the Contest unfolded, and it is this exact process that is being hidden by the EBU.

The EBU’s answer here is that to reveal the country splits would show where the televote did not reach the threshold limit (set targets in a number of areas to show that a televote is representative). Where a threshold is not met, the 50% jury vote becomes the vote from that broadcaster. It’s fair to say that San Marino would be a 100% jury vote given the issues in identifying enough votes from inside the Serene Republic, compared to votes from the surrounding Italian countryside.

Third time’s the charm!

The argument goes that if the countries not meeting the threshold are known, it would be easier to influence the televote in the following year. This ignores the fact that in previous years the countries not meeting the threshold were announced on the night by the then-Executive Supervisor Svante Stockselius, and that televote organizers Digame have procedures in place to negate the potential ‘power’ voting of people looking to influence the final result.

Of course with the average rankings and some smart maths, you can work out a few things. EscXtra’s Ervin Juhász has looked at the semi-finals and can say with a high level of confidence that one country used 100% jury vote in the first semi final, and two countries used a 100% jury vote in the second semi final. But that’s about all we can be sure about.

Putting the tin foil hat back on, therefore it must be a conspiracy!!! What would the result have been under 2012? Would it have been an Azeri victory, and all the political baggage that would have brought?  Would we see that a significant number of countries did not reach the televoting threshold in the grand final, implying that tens of thousands of viewers might have wasted money casting votes that would never have an impact on the result? Or perhaps the cultural voting blocks are so pervasive that there is no easy way for the EBU to diminish their effects?

Why would you release data that creates the illusion of a hidden agenda?

It Would Have Been Better To Remain Silent

Looking at the issues around it, the ‘split vote’ announcement is a weak compromise between preserving the competitive nature of the Song Contest and being open with the data. It has failed on both counts. If meaningful split voting results are too sensitive to be released, then don’t try and hide behind a smokescreen of ambiguous numbers… make a decision to not release them.

These numbers given out by the EBU are incomplete at best, and it would be difficult to rely on them for any rigorous study. It feels like the official Eurovision press team have thrown us ‘something shiny‘ in the hope that the discussions will be distracted away from the numbers that actually matter.

Perhaps the best solution here would have been for the EBU to not release any split figures at all.

Forget Post-Eurovision Depression, what about the depressive power of not being able to get to the contest at all? It may be a bit of a downer to return to paying for public transport, but imagine forlornly staring into a drawer at a 3-year-old accreditation pass and wondering where its magical free travel capabilities went.

It’s an odd old life being a Eurovision fan, but it’s one I gladly signed up for. However, up until a few years ago I hadn’t publically owned up to my hardcore fan status. Let’s face it, there’s a level of fandom which the Contest seems to strongly encourage by its very nature. A nature that is equally scoffed at and ridiculed… in the British Isles at least. How often have you found yourself ramming ‘fun’ Eurovision facts down the throats of family and friends? The worst part is seeing the transition of facial expression from feigned interest to pained grimace in less time than it takes to mention ‘Jahn Teigen’.

As an Irish Eurovision fan over the last twenty odd years there’s been quite a number of ups and spectacular downs (the Mullen Sisters, Gary O’Saughnessy, Chris Doran, Donna & Joe… the list unfortunately goes on). However, through all the years of drama, failures and sparse success I would have happily offered up a limb in return for a Eurovision ticket.

When I was younger I vowed that if Ireland won again I’d be on the phone to The Point Theatre box office the next morning trying to book tickets. After managing to get to Copenhagen for the 50th Anniversary show back in 2005 I eventually attended the contest proper in Oslo five years later.

Missing Malmö

So, what happens when you’ve had that taste of Eurovision and then it’s pulled away from you like candy from the proverbial baby? Well, quite frankly, there’s a lot of huffing, puffing and cursing of college assignments, work commitments and, as is the case this year, Polish weddings. Circumstance conspired yet again to rip from me the delights of judging, grumbling and nitpicking my way through two weeks in May.

The plans for a Malmö adventure began in earnest last August. The cheap as chips hostel was booked and the investigation into cheap air fares was underway. The only problem was that May 18, 2013 turned out to strike some friends in Poland as the perfect date to get hitched.

It took a while, but the penny eventually dropped. My return to the Eurovision bubble would have to wait another year. What’s another year- (oi! – Ed.). Sorry!

Somewhere in here is a Song Contest

That said, the hotel booking was only cancelled the week before the rehearsals began in Malmö. As a nation, the Poles had helpfully decided to take a break from Eurovision before the 2012 contest and still haven’t come back. TVP actually can’t even be bothered airing the final anymore. So that put me in a pretty sticky situation. But, I wasted no time in booking a room in the hotel where the wedding reception was being held.

There are several ways of coping with not being at the Contest. One is following the stage diary kept by Ola Melzig of M&M Production Management, who’s been responsible for the Eurovision stage construction for several years now. Sneak peeks of the arena and stage are a lifeline for an exiled fan.

As the circus of artists, delegations, journalists and fans roll into town an increased dosage of Eurovision updates are just what the doctor ordered. ‘Ewan and The Gang‘ here kept me sane again this year. The daily podcast serving of an half hour of updates, reviews and general analysis really managed to give that delicious glimpse of what it’s really like to be in Malmö. Living vicariously through other people’s experiences, however, comes to an abrupt end with the guitars. The daily routine becomes checking the website from about midday on and wondering ‘Why the hell is it still not up yet? Oh no, maybe there won’t be one today.’ Try explaining that kind of irrational behaviour to a non fan without sounding slightly like a junkie.

Party for Everybody, Gdańsk

No matter how successful the prescribed course of treatment, the horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach gets you eventually. The kind where the excitement of the imminent contest collides with the disappointment of not being there in person.

Being one of the most open years since well em… 2011, this year provided a double-edged sword of excitement and dread. The excitement that Ireland could be on to a good thing and the dread that I’d miss the moment Ireland would lift the crown. Turns out I had nothing to worry about on that score!

Sweden in Poland… via Slovenia

With the semi finals safely watched and tweeted about from the safety of a Dublin apartment it was off to Poland for the wedding come Eurovision. When Saturday arrived a schedule of several hours of wedding mass, celebrations and gut-stuffing had to be gotten out of the way before 9 O’Clock. Then it was time to rush to the hotel room to catch the first bars of Te Deum belted out on an illicit cable signal courtesy of a Slovenian TV broadcast.

Now I don’t have a lick of Slovenian, but Andrej Horfer, the commentator, didn’t sound best pleased that their Hannah had been unceremoniously dumped out of the competition the previous Tuesday. Again my lack of Slovene made it pretty damn tricky to hear the titbits of humour the Swedes were trying to inject after the unintentionally comedic hosting of last year’s trio in Baku.

A funny by-product of watching the contest in another country was that there was a renewed sense of excitement about the whole thing. It may not have been a front row seat at the Malmö Arena, but it was one hell of a Eurovision-Polish wedding sandwich with a generous dollop of Slovenian commentary thrown in for good measure.

If you find yourself in the position of not being able to go to Denmark next May I can recommend no better way of spicing up your Eurovision experience. Turns out it was exactly the medicine the doctor ordered for this Eurovision junkie.

Looking back at the best and worst of the National Finals, deciphering the televote and jury votes, why we should send Motörhead to Eurovision, and how much Terry Vision enjoyed himself at Malmö… just don’t tell Mrs Vision.

I know that many of you want to try before you buy, as it were, so you can have a look at the latest newsletter online, and either subscribe using the friendly button at the top of the newsletter, or fill in your email address below!

It’s been an interesting week since we crowned Emmelie de Forest last Saturday night, with a huge amount of discussion online around the new voting system, the maths behind the combination of the jury and the televote, and more contentious topics.. We’ve also had the first moves to sort out the 2014 Contest, with Danish cities putting in bids, countries confirming an intent to enter, and Finland first of the mark to open the submission process for their National Final, UMK.

Eurovision never stops – it just gives us time to catch our breath, take a short holiday, and then it starts all over again.

Eurovision Insight Podcast: I Know My Drag Queens

Hosted by Ewan Spence, with music from Johnny Logan.

Don’t miss an episode of The Unofficial Eurovision Podcast by subscribing to the RSS feed dedicated to the podcasts. iTunes users can find us in the iTunes Store and get the show automatically downloaded to your computer. If you’re looking for more music from this year’s contestants, swing by our ‘2013 Albums To Buy‘ page (we’ll get some more in there over the weekend!)

The unspectacular result for Bonnie Tyler at last week’s Eurovision underlined a long-standing problem with the UK’s participation in the show. We aren’t in the middle of an increasingly poor run of results because of any quasi political claptrap – it’s because we’ve forgotten how to compete.

The BBC still views the show as a Saturday night light entertainment variety production, where most of the rest of Europe considers it to be prime time music programming and are sending their biggest and most contemporary acts. For many countries it’s like a turbocharged Top Of The Pops, where their biggest pop and rocks stars battle it out in their national finals for the honour to represent their country.

Sadly, we haven’t quite got out of that Seaside Special frame of mind, and send mum-friendly fodder that rarely ever sets the continent alight. And this is a darned shame, because with guaranteed qualification to the final every year, we could easily send songs that would make viewers from Reykjavik to Baku sit back and go Wow!

So with this in mind, here’s ten acts who, win or lose, would help inject some of the musical pride back into our nation. We’re still the emperor’s of world pop, so we really ought to prove it. And we’re quite sure that any one of us could put us back near the top of the scoreboard where we rightly belong…

Muse

Is there a more perfect act to represent all that is most ludicrous, excessive and gloriously, entertainingly pompous about our island breed? Get them to condense a baroque space opera down into three high-stepping minutes and the whole of Europe would fall at our feet.

Dizzee Rascal

If Bonkers has been our Eurovision entry back in 2009, we’d have won by a street. Hip hop and black competitors (sadly) both have terrible records in this competition, but that really wouldn’t matter, as the second his cheeky grin and council flat patter came bursting out of your screens amid a sea of mawkish Eastern-European ballads, you’d be so happy he was there that it really wouldn’t matter where he finished. Like Muse, if he’s good enough for the Olympics, he’s certainly good enough for this.

Calvin Harris

This boy’s been practically shitting hits over the last couple of years, and if he got one of his big name pals in to do the singing for him we could speculatively start booking the Millennium Dome for the following Spring.

Hurts

This northern electropop twosome may only be underground hip at home, but they’re massive news right across Europe, and would offer up a cool edge never yet seen representing the Union Flag at this contest. Rumours from their camp suggest that they’d love to do it, too, but the BBC doesn’t think that they’re big enough. Two words. Josh Dubovie.

Neck

The success of this year’s Greek entry, a breakneck party ska stomp called Alcohol Is Free, proved that there’s room for some riotous high speed rock’n'roll on this show. So who better to represent the broader horizons of the United Kingdom than these North London paddy punks. Apparently they’ve been trying to represent Ireland in the contest for years, but are considered just a tad too raucous for those delicate Celtic types. Their loss should be our gain.

Madness

If, as some people think, the contest is going to be held in the Danish city of Aarhus next year, there is clearly only one band who could possibly represent us there…

One Direction

This suggestion is so obvious that it’s almost dumb to say it out loud. The biggest pop group in the world right now, their involvement would be no risk to their impossibly massive career, and they could easily glue a lucrative European tour around their appearance while they were at it. If they’ll do Comic Relief for the BBC, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t do Eurovision.

Jools Holland

Everyone, it seems, loves a fun time boogie-woogie piano singalong, but surprisingly it’s never been attempted at the contest before. And who better on the planet to give it a stab than Jools? His easy, nasal, fast-fingered charm would have them dancing in the aisles and voting in their droves.

Motörhead

Forget trying to win the thing – just give Europe some good, honest, noisy British metal filth to knock the cobwebs off. Just imagine how perfect this would be.

The Mercury Winner

Here’s an idea. When the labels enter their acts into the Mercury Music Prize, make it a condition that the winner does Eurovision. Turn the whole awards ceremony into a massive Song For Europe style event so we can show off the very best of our musical goodness to the watching continent.

The last few years would have seen us send acts like PJ Harvey, The Arctic Monkeys, Elbow and Alt-J, so what better way to thumb our noses at Europe than to show them that we don’t actually care where we finish in the show – we’re just inextricably better at making interesting pop than any of them. And yes, while you might shudder a little at the thought of Alt-J doing the contest, if it was a straight choice between them and Bonnie Tyler…

Don’t forget we’ve got a YouTube playlist of all ten songs so you can have a mock National Final in your office if you want! As for the wildcards, start pitching names and YouTube links in the comments!

The obvious answer, and it’s probably the right one, is that they didn’t choose the right song. For whatever reason, they zigged when they should have zagged. So let’s point out those wrong turnings and wonder what could have been in Malmö…

This Is Gonna Hurt The United Kingdom

To be fair to the BBC, they were really close this year. I think they chose the right artist in Bonnie Tyler (seriously), and they even chose the right album (it’s called ‘Rocks and Honey’, and trust me, everyone in the ESC press centre knows about it because Bonnie made sure to tell us). It’s just that they managed to pick the most useless track on the entire album for the Contest in ‘the National Final voted on by one person in an office somewhere deep in New Broadcasting House.‘

‘This is Gonna Hurt‘ was track one and it’s quintessential Bonnie Tyler. They must have listened to it before reaching track 4 ‘Believe In Me’. Whoops.

Romania Should Have Sent Luminita Anghe

There was something classy about sending a theatrical number to Eurovision, but it needed more than just the high voiced chest-waxing tones of Cezar. Where the counter tenor had a rising platform, Luminita Anghe’s backing dancers had a fantastic dance move to replicate the sea that we wanted to try on the Euroclub dancefloor. When Cezar went all Emperor Palpatine, Anghe went all Idina Menzel. And if Cezar had stayed at home, Anghe would have been far higher than 14th on the night.

YLE Sent Krista Siegfrids One Year Too Late

This year’s ranking system favours less controversial songs, those that appeal to the AOR crowd across Europe. Which means, much as it pains me, YLE missed a trick in not sending Mikael Saari. Even though Krista’s song was infectious, fun, and made me smile, it needed the 2012 jury system if it was going to reach the Top Ten. Saari could have been this year’s Kuula result, with an appeal to the Radio 2 listener that lives in all of us.

Serbia Should Have Sent Someone Who The Wardrobe Department Liked

Because really, there was no excuse for those outfits except that the head of wardrobe blamed Moje 3 for the death of her Alsation/Corgi cross-breed puppy. How about Spas, by Dusan Svilar?

Latvia forget the rap rule.

Anything but rap. Anything. Even dubstep will perform better. But if you want us to put the cards on the table, Samanta Tina. A fantastic power ballad that built over the three minutes from cold and vulnerable waif to a strong and independent woman. We could have had a song with a story and a fabulous performance. Instead we got a stage diver.

The Estonian jury were wrong to send Birgit Oigemeel

Because they could have sent Winny Puhh…

Any other countries that you think made the wrong call? Let us know in the comments, just as you all did . And if you think some of the countries had a perfect night, yesterday’s ‘National Finals That Got It Right‘ is for you.

The Old Rules Of Thumb Are Useless

What would have happened if this year’s Eurovision Song Contest did not have the new ranking system? Taking the Italian televote and jury votes detailed below, we can see the impact that the new system has.

The votes given out on the night with the new system were 12 Denmark, 10 Malta, 8 Norway, 7 Greece, 6 Lithuania, 5 Ukraine, 4 Moldova, 3 Hungary, 2 Spain, 1 Romania. If the old system was used we would have had 12 Denmark, 10 Romania, 8 Norway, 7 Malta, 6 Moldova, 5 Ukraine, 4 Greece, 3 Spain, 2 Lithuania, 1 Russia.

Denmark gets 12 regardless. Moldova would have got 2  more points, and Russia and Spain each would have got one more point. Lithuania would have received 4 less points, Malta and Greece 3 less points each. The big issue here is Romania. Topping the televote Cezar would have scored 10 points in 2012, but this year he scored just a single point.

Over the years, everyone has built up expectations of what happens in the voting. If a country gets a strong televote, it’s going to get something in the final scores, even if the jury don’t like it. Top the televote, and you’d likely score 5 or 6 points, even if the jury ignore the song. But that has all changed and with the new ranking system these rules of thumb do not apply.

This could be the core of the problem we are seeing now in the media. As the accusations fly around Europe that votes have gone missing, people are forgetting that the new ranking system does not work in the same way or give the same results as the older system. It’s very likely that if the 2012 system was in use, we’d be booking flights to Kiev or heading back to Baku, rather than nipping over the Oresund Bridge to Copenhagen (and perhaps onward to Jutland and Herning).

The simple answer for the EBU is to release all the split votes at a country level. Without this transparency it’s going to be very hard to convince some parties that everything is on the level and above board when the results do not meet the expectations that have been built up over the years.

Show Us The Numbers

During the EBU press conference in Malmo, we learned that the votes of the jury and the televotes would not be released individually. Events Supervision Sietse Bakker reiterated this week that “…the decision not to reveal the detailed split results is a fine balance between transparency and protection of fairness in the future.” That doesn’t mean we’re not going to do some digging and try to work them out ourselves, although it’s going to take some time and explanation.

RAI, the Italian host broadcaster, has graciously released their televote figures (PDF link). Aside from the 21 per cent of spoiled votes during the Grand Final (we assume this is Italians trying to vote for Italy, ‘Viva Italia!‘), our friends in Rome have given us some data – real, actual data – from which to extrapolate how the new aggregate voting system might have worked.

It is, however, incomplete data, so there will be some estimation and deduction involved. Exploring this data has highlighted my limitations for conducting such analyses: I am not a mathematician or statistician. Rather, I’m a social researcher who uses statistics in my research, but who relies on statistical consulting for analyses requiring anything outside of my core toolkit. I suspect others might be able to program this analysis and get the same answer in mere second. It took me about an hour. Or two.

There’s Something About Mary

Nothing Stays The Same Forever

After the Eurovision Song Contest left Baku, we found out from some host broadcasters the top 10 jury and top 10 televote rankings. These were allocated 12, 10, 8, 7 points (as per the traditional ESC Borda count), added together, and ranked from most to least points. The entry with the most points got the eventually douze points; in the event of two songs having the same aggregate score, the one with more televote support was ranked ahead of the other.

I call this the Borda-unBorda-reBorda system. More complex to explain than necessary and each shift between Borda count versus raw scores will diminish the accuracy of the result. Not horribly so, but in ways that could make a difference.

This year each participating country did something that created more granularity, and almost certainly more representative. Each jury ranked the entries in both their voting semi-final and the Grand Final from first to last. The results from the televote were also ranked from first to last. Then these scores were added together to produce a raw score. In this instance a lower score is better: finishing 1st is better than 15th, so a raw score of 8 is better than one of 20. These raw scores are ranked from best (lowest) to worst (highest), and the top 10 are then given the traditional ESC Borda score. Again, if there’s a tie in raw score, the song with the higher televote ranking gets put ahead.

It was looking quite good for the UK at this point…

Welcome To The Grand Final Jungle

With twenty six entries in this year’s Grand Final, the jury and the televote both generated a list ranking the songs  from 1 through 25. Therefore the best possible score is 2 by placing first in both the jury and the telvote ranking; and the worst possible score is 50, were a song to finish 25th in both rankings. If two songs have the same aggregate score, the one with a higher televote score is ranked higher.

In a Eurovision Song Contest of perfect harmony, where the juries and televoters agreed about every entry, the ideal aggregate scores for the top 10 would be 2 (1+1), 4 (2+2), 6, (3+3), 8 (4+4) etc., through to 50 points for 25th place (25+25). This would be the ideal mapping, and we’re going to come back to this in a moment.

Thanks to RAI, we have the complete rankings for the Italian Grand Final televote, and we know the final point allocations for Italy.

There were a few obvious outliers. Romania won the televote but only got 1 point on the final scoreboard for an overall tenth place. Spain was only 16th in the televote, but got 2 points for an overall finsih of ninth. Lithuania was 20th in the televote and got  6 points for a fifth place finish.

Clearly there’s a marked gap between what the juries and televoters thought; in particular, the jury must have ranked Lithuania much higher than the televoters for it to be ranked fifth overall. At the same time, Norway was 12th with televoters, but third in overall points—also indicative of a higher televote score. Conversely, Russia were 5th and Azerbaijan were 9th with the televoters: neither got any points from Italy, which indicates the jury ranked them both very low.

All of these things help us put the puzzle together.

Rob Brydon’s Man In A Box goes to Eurovision

The Jury And The Televote Did Not Agree

Whilst I worked with the entire rankings (one through 25), the following table shows the televoting top 10 from Italy. It shows the televote rank, estimated jury rank (calculated by me), and estimated final raw score. Ideal refers that mystical perfect Eurovision, where the televoters and juries rank all 25 entries exactly the same.

The final rank is the ranked order the top 10 for points. It is derived from the official final score, as indicated in the final voting table provided by the EBU.

The results from the first Semi-Final televote (in which Italy votes) also help. Russia (2nd), Belgium (10th),  and Netherlands (11th)  were ranked decently by Italy’s semi-final televote, but ranked 5th, 21st, and 13th in the Grand Final. Belgium, in particular, dropped a fair bit. Regardless, none of them got any points from Italy.

Here’s the Italian televote ranking comparing songs in both the first Semi-Final and Grand Final:

Only four entries – Ukraine, Moldova, Lithuania and Denmark – scored points from Italy in both the semi-final and Grand Final. Denmark only scored 6 points in the semi-final, but earned 12 points in the Grand Final. But its televote ranking was about the same in both events. That means the Italian jury on Saturday night ranked Denmark much higher than it did a few nights earlier. With twenty five rather than fifteen entries on Saturday night, this seems rather strange… Unless Denmark’s jury final performance on Monday night was markedly inferior to their subsequent one on Friday night.

For the remaining six entries only Russia was in the televote top 10 on Saturday night – yet they received null points. That means the juries must have placed several songs ahead of Russia. Conversely, Russia’s semi-final televote rank (6th) and scores for the semi-final (7th place, 4 points) are close to the ideal, and imply the jury broadly agreed with the ranking of the televote.

Broadly speaking, aside from a handful of entries that were ranked in the top 10 for both the jury and televoters in Italy, the results don’t match up to the ‘ideal’ very well, leading to some rather marked omissions from the score table after the Italian top ten was calculated.

Run away, nymphs, run as fast as you can

Arithmetically it’s clear that it all works, and the scores add up. But Eurovision isn’t just about the numbers, it’s about fair play and emotion. It’s very hard to justify a situation where a song topping the televote walking away with a single point (in the case of Italy’s votes for Romania), or a second place song in the televote not scoring anything (in the case of Azerbaijan’s votes for Russia).

The Simple Answer To All This Lies With The EBU

Although the traditional 12, 10, 8-1 points are still being used, this year’s scoring for the Eurovision Song Contest is a radical departure from previous years. The changes have not been communicated well and there is a level of confusion and recrimination in the air. This is not good for the brand of the Contest, and the longer these questions go on, the more damage the brand will suffer.

The situation has been ongoing since the end of the Contest, five days ago. It is time for strong leadership and a decisive move to clear up all these questions once and for all. Announcing that Digame are satisfied with the result, and that Price Waterhouse Cooper are also happy with result is not enough. Distribtuing a ‘combined jury score table’ will not be enough. Trying to hide away the countries that did not reach the voting threshold in an attempt to negate ‘power voting’ will not be enough.

What is needed is sunlight. The EBU hold the data for all the televotes and all the jury votes. Individual broadcasters are releasing some of that data to the public, which allows the media to partially reconstruct the Contest scores.

Every year The X Factor in the UK release all the percentages of the public votes for the entire contest. If publishing the data is good enough for Simon Cowell, it should be good enough for Jon Ola Sand.

Release the data.

Appendix A: How The Table Was Worked Out

Lithuania, Denmark, Greece and Norway were the code breakers here. In the Grand Final, Lithuania finished 10th in the televote, but were 5th overall; Norway were 112th in the televote but finished 3rd overall. Lithuania were two rankings behind Norway (3rd versus 5th) in the final score. Greece’s final score was between them in 4th place: Greece was well ahead of Lithuania and Norway in the Grand Final televote (4th versus 10th and 12th). Norway must have beaten Lithuania and Greece because of its higher jury rank.

Denmark and Malta, however, were ranked ahead of Norway in terms of raw scores. In terms of Grand Final televote they were ranked 6th and 7th compared to Norway’s 12th. That means Norway must have been ranked higher than either of them with the juries.  If Norway won the televote, their raw score is 13: 12 for televote and 1 for jury. In that scenario Denmark and Malta each would have earned raw scores of 12 or lower (even if they tied Denmark is ahead because of their televote ranking). So their lowest jury rankings were 6th (Denmark) and 5th (Malta).

Greece, however, was 4th with televoters and ended up 4th overall – which aligns nicely with the ideal. If Norway was 3rd overall with 13 points, Greece’s score is 14 or higher—because Norway was well below Greece in the televote they cannot have the same raw score. Turns out a raw score of 14 for Greece cracked it.

We have two more outlier: Russia and Romania. Russia finished 5th with the televoters, but got zero points. Therefore the aggregate score of Russia has to be at least one point below the  raw score of the 10th ranked entry: Romania.  Our 10th song is Romania, who won the televote. So we know its score is 1 (televote) plus something else. Russia’s score must therefore be equal to or lower than Romania’s.

At this point it became a substitution and sorting game: try entering a ranking, sort the spread sheet by raw scores, and see if it lines up with the final votes from Italy. In this exercise getting the top 10 right is not quite good enough: we needed to be reasonably confident that nothing from middle of the televoting table was ranked surprisingly high by the Italian jury.

But for this year’s Contest, which selections were right, and which were wrong?

Let’s start off with the broadcasters that we here at ESC Insight think made the right call and chose the song that gave them the best result possible on the night.

Denmark were right to send Emmelie

Heck they sent the same staging from MGP to Malmo, and when the Danish Delegation came back over the Bridge, they brought the trophy home with them… and landed DR with a huge challenge and less than a year to put together the 2014 Contest. I doubt Mohammed would have managed that…

Norway were right to send Margaret Berger

A comfortable qualification and a well-earned fourth place for ‘I Feed You My Love’ not only brought a striking costume to the Song Contest, but also provided a gateway to the electronica genre for many Schlager fans. Everything about the package just worked (even if it wasn’t my personal cup of tea). Norway’s second place song, Bombo, might have been a dance floor filler, but Adelen needs a few more years of performing to be comfortable in front of a stadium crowd while maintaining the sound of a studio mix of the song.

The Hungarian public were right to send ByeAlex

MTV’s A Dal selection show took an interesting route. The judges selected the contestants they wanted to qualify for the final, and then the public would vote on the remaining contestants to join them. ByeAlex never picked up a jury place, relying on the televote to put him through to the semi finals and the final. Once in the final, the jury selected the top four, and then the public would vote for a winning song. While he never topped the jury votes, ByeAlex wasthe public’s champion, and they made the right call.

He qualified from the semi-finals, and made the Top Ten for Hungary, the first since the 9th place of ‘Unsubstatnial Blues‘ in 2007.

Not only that, but ByeAlex himself made a critical call to keep the song in Hungarian. I’m not sure ‘she was raised by wolves‘ would have been hipster enough on the international stage.

Malta were right to send the lovely Dr Gianluca

The plucky island celebrated last year when Kurt Callejah reached the Saturday night final, and hopes were high that Gianluca – who had charmed the Maltese audience during the marathon national final – would be able to repeat the trick. Which he did, and then trumped last year’s 21st place finish with an 8th place return to the Top Ten and into the history books alongside Chiara and Ira Losco.

Now all he has to deal with is a jealous sister who still hasn’t won the Maltese national final, and countless Eurovision fans on holiday spraining an ankle and going to the General Hospital in the hopes they’ll get some special treatment from the good Doctor.

Iceland were right to send Thor, God of Ballads

I wasn’t particularly impressed with the songs from Söngvakeppnin 2013. Sure the expected names were in the field, but there wasn’t a standout entry in the field. Watching the superfinal head to head with Eythor Ingi and Unnur Eggertsdóttir, the Icelandic public were given a straight choice… power ballad or 80s pop. They went with the former, and while it might not have been the best result on the Saturday night, it qualified from the semi-finals. Mission accomplished.

Belgium were right to choose ‘Love Kills’

Perhaps the biggest case of bad planning was scheduling the Belgian National Final to run at 10am. On a Sunday Morning. On the radio. And right up until Belgium were announced as a qualifier on Tuesday night, I was convinced that Reste Toi should have been the song chosen, rather than ‘Love Kills’. But who am I to argue with only the second Saturday night appearance in ten years?

The Estonian jury were right to send Birgit Oigemeel

Because they could have sent Winny Puhh…

Any other countries that you think made the right call? Let us know in the comments. And if you think some of the countries had a complete disaster, rest easy… head over to ‘The National Finals That Got It Wrong‘.

If you’re not sure why you’re feeling a bit low today, why every horn that sounds a little bit like the start of Euphoria gives you a little burst of excitement, and why every fashion disaster reminds you of Moje 3, you probably have the PEDs.

But let’s make sure.

25 classic symptoms of Post Eurovision Depression

1. The next five nights you’ll be watching the Grand Final with Graham Norton on Monday, with Ken Bruce on Tuesday, with Marty Whelan on Wednesday, with Sven Epiney on Thursday, with Luke Fisher and Ewan Spence on Friday, and then on your own via Eurovision.tv/esctv at the weekend.

2. When the bus to work hits a pothole, and your wrist is the only wrist that lights up with a colourful band of LEDs.

3. Putting in a holiday request for Monday May 5th – Sunday May 18th 2014, and upsetting HR because the computer doesn’t go that far ahead.

4. You see a crowd of people, and you run over to join them hoping for an ‘Igranka‘ CD and find out it’s a queue for Greggs.

5. You call up catering and demand your afternoon fika.

6. Not only are there enough power sockets at work,  your plug fits into them.

7. Getting upset at the supermarket when you’re told alcohol is not free.

8. You feel strangely naked without an accreditation pass around your neck… assuming you’ve actually taken it off.

But what does ‘DV’ stand for?

9. Working out if you can find enough tinfoil to perform ‘Solayoh‘ at the OGAE UK Eurobash.

10. Someone offers you a Caesar Salad and you get a flashback to an operatic car crash.

11. Finding out that every hotel room in Copenhagen is already blocked out for next year.

12. Capital Gold on the radio at work isn’t cutting it, and you’re trying to work out how to get ESC Radio through the speakers.

13. Finally working out how to pronounce ‘Kedvesem‘.

14. Getting upset at having to pay for a bus ticket, because everyone knows even an F2 could travel for free on public transport.

15. Getting upset when nobody around you knows who Lynda Woodruff is.

16. Getting really upset when nobody around you knows who Sarah Dawn Finer is and they demand the original version of ‘The Winner Takes It All‘ instead of this…

17. You send a press release out to the Daily Mail before you kiss your partner, hoping to get a bit more publicity.

18. Stepping into a lift, you have an irresistible urge to mirror the movements of the only other person in the lift.

19. Trying to fit a pyro charge into the top of your pen.

20. You dream of Cyprus as you make tea yourself.

21. Singing ‘Waterfall‘ to ‘Quedate Conmigo‘.

22. Trying to work out if Yohio (aka Kevin) would have done better than Robin Stjernberg.

23. Composing an angry letter to the BBC demanding a National Final, without thinking of the consequences (because you know it would be hosted by John Barrowman).

This is ‘so Eurovision’? (Paula Funnell / Flickr)

24. Wondering how easy it would be to get to Albania for this year’s ‘Festivali i Këngës‘.

25. You go online and search for a list of Post Eurovision Depression symptoms.

Now help us explore the condition

How many of them do you have? Do you have any more that should be added to the list? Let us know… and we might even dig out some ESC Insight badges and merchandise for the best ones left in the comments.